The Yellow M&M

As I got into the car after a hurried trip to the grocery, in my seat laid a yellow m&m. My stomach grumbled, urging me to eat it, but the little gremlin who controls my diet piped up “Don’t you eat that!, You’ll ruin everything!”. So, instead I sat on it and continued to my next destination. After an invigorating discussion with my Women’s Networking Group, I returned to my car only to find that damn yellow m&m staring at me again – this time daring me to eat it. Representing all of the things I could not have, all of the ways I was depriving myself and limiting what I could and could not do. For what?!? For thinness? For perfection?

You see I am a mother of 2 small children and so the role models I look to fluctuate between Eva Longoria and Martha Stewart. I tell myself that if I could just be perfect in every way then just maybe what I do each day will be worth something. Don’t get me wrong, I know that Mothers are valued on the surface, but let’s be real shall we? Very few girls are supported to have the dream to be a mother. It is a worthy job, but a thankless job when it comes to putting any value of substance on it. It is isolating, scary, rewarding, filled with love, frustrating, and did I mention lonely?

These are the thoughts that run through my head as I look at that yellow m&m in the seat of my car. My power as a woman and a mother seemed to exist in my willpower not to eat that little circle disk.  So, as I drove home from the meeting (sitting on the yellow m&m) I thought about all of the ways I withhold my own power from myself. Always creating a new goal before the next is reached. Always taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in our home. Always undervaluing the worth of my work.  All the ways our culture undervalues my work. 

And then I started to get pissed. Pissed because I matter, even if America doesn’t want to recognize it. Pissed because I have been sitting on my own power, both literally and figuratively, because our culture has been implicitly telling not to make any waves. As I reached my driveway I was feeling strong from my anger, and so I removed myself from that little yellow m&m, and as a symbol of my power and fortitude of being a strong, magnificent woman, I reached down, grabbed that yellow m&m and ate it. I crunched into that sweet hard candy shell, felt the soft chocolate within wash over my mouth and I realized that they cannot hold me back any longer.

By “they” I mean the looming “they”. The “they” there is no name for. The “they” that is the accepted state of our culture. The “they” that perpetuates the stereotypes and oppression of moms in our country. Yes I am talking about the “they” that is us. Our own actions have perpetuated the myths that hold us down as moms. The myth that we cannot have a fulfilling career AND be amazing mothers. The myth that we cannot have both and be happy to our core. Yes it is us moms who are most guilty of allowing these beliefs to sink into our psyche. We then allow the guilt to slowly devour us from the inside until there is little left of our hearts to give to others, let alone our ourselves.

I am frustrated by the amount of time I have wasted with this idea of “perfect mom”. And maybe this anger turns some of you off, but my hope is that it inspires passion in your heart. False contentment has never sparked passion. Lives are not prompted to change by satisfaction with the status quo. Change is sparked by the person who stands up and says I am not happy here – and then proceeds to move, leading anyone who will follow.  This community is about those of you who want change, but have lost the passion and direction you need to make those changes. My hope is that I will infect you with passion, and if a bit of anger is what it takes to get you moving then I am here to provide that. Eat that yellow m&m if for no other reason than you can and you deserve it!

Some of us are walking through a hallway of a thousand open doors and we see none of them because we have on blinders that force our vision to the narrow, never ending length of an empty hallway. Some of you want and need more in your lives and I am here to support you and tell you that sometimes you have to stand up for your dreams. Rip off the blinders forced onto you by a society that does not value you and see the possibilities that God is offering in each moment of this amazing blessed life.

This is a community for women who are tired of being undervalued. Women who need inspiration and connection to fend off the isolation that comes with being a mom, a place to be lifted up to your own personal power and success. This is not a place for moms to be compared to the lie of perfection in media driven images. Pictures of mothers with perfect bodies, perfectly cleaned and decorated homes, and perfectly behaved children not welcome….oh no this is a place for real mothers, powerful women who like nothing more than to eat yellow m&ms dammit!