God is funny. Just when you think you are all alone and it’s time to take matters into your own hands, He (or She!) shows up like a personal cheerleader. I tend to forget that grace can appear in the most unexpectedly wonderful ways. I have been feeling lost for some time now and I just finally asked for a little direction last week; a sign, anything that would give me a clue about which way to turn at this juncture in my life. On Friday, God answered in a big way. As I entered our car to attend a study session for blogging, I looked at the seat to find another little yellow m&m gleaming at me like a tiny little ray of sunshine. Now one might think we just eat a lot of m&m’s in our house, but I assure that is not the case (4 big bags a week is normal, right?). I am certain there was as much meaning behind this m&m as the first. And so, I looked up, smiled, said thank you, and (I think you will be happy to hear) reached down and ate that little yellow m&m without even a hint of hesitation. His answer was clear – go straight ahead and you will end up where you need to be.
That is a really hard thing to do for some of us isn’t it? I mean just follow the road you are on until you see a sign telling you which way to turn. I like a map when I go into uncharted territory. And boy do I have a lot of maps lying around our house. Plans and to-dos, goals and aspirations, charts, spreadsheets, and actual maps since my husband is essentially a map-maker, you name it and I have a piece of paper to direct and focus what needs to happen and why. The thing about all of those papers is this: My life never goes as planned. Ever. Period. I am finally learning that the only significance to any plans I may have is they help me define what I want and need to do in my life. All of those little notes I make about how to get there, might as well be gibberish. Now, don’t get me wrong I still find value in planning and I still make the plans, very detailed ones in fact – because I’m crazily addicted to organizing gadgets and I like to think I am in control of how my life unfolds. But, I am learning not to fight God when he veers off of the chart I have just tabulated in Google docs, because his way is ALWAYS better. I find that when I just go with his flow and follow the signs he inevitably posts, my life sails more smoothly than I can even dare to imagine.
Which brings me back to the reason I needed to ask for help in the first place, someone I love very dearly told me the epiphany I received after finding the first little yellow m&m represented something far greater than I even imagined. She told me that the yellow m&m was the sun that I, and all women really, had been desperately seeking over the long, dark winter. And the call to action I had felt was to take that tiny bit of sunlight into the lives of as many women as I could reach. To deliver joy into the lives of women is no small task. And while I really wanted her explanation to be true – it freaked me out! I doubted her words – I doubted myself. It seemed like such a big mission for little insignificant me. And so, I went inside of myself and questioned her interpretation of the infamous yellow m&m that had landed in my seat. I felt she was right, but I did not have the how I needed. And so over the last few weeks I have planned and replanned and thought and calculated about how I could force this idea into being until I actually got sick of using Google docs and all of my little organizing tools (gasp!). It was when I stopped trying so hard that I could finally see what was there all along.
God unveiled lots of little signs that I followed right to the second yellow m&m and this ultimate conclusion: Put your need to control aside, open your eyes, listen closely, and God will unfold the opportunities that have been waiting for you all along. When we put too much time into the planning of our lives we forget to do the one thing we are meant to do – LIVE! Cry when you need to, laugh when its hard, hope when your lost, and love through it all. Collect those small moments of life and pull them out when you need to be reminded that you are alive; pick up one of those little rays of sunshine that most people call yellow m&m’s and remember that life really is all about the journey.
