Purpley Toes

Last night I decided to paint my toes purple. I was so excited with the outcome that I’m pretty sure I asked my husband about five hundred times if he liked my new purple toes – and with each prompting he would glance and murmur something that sounded like yes; I was so disappointed. I’m not sure what I expected, perhaps I wanted him to jump off the couch and kiss each toe in pure delight or create an impromptu song and dance about my perfect purple toes. I suppose I continued to ask because I simply could not fathom why he was not as elated as I was. But, looking back I can’t say that I have ever been too enthusiastic over the painting of another’s toes, so I couldn’t blame him for his lack of interest.  The contrast in our responses to my lovely lavender toes sparked a curiosity: Why exactly was I so happy about my purple toes?

I think many of you will relate that it is a big deal to find the time and motivation to do something as playful as painting your toenails in the middle of winter, with no impending event where one might see said toes. And I am certain that my degree of happiness had more to do with the idea that I was giving myself a little unscheduled, unplanned, and unnecessary attention than the nail polish itself. Having two small children dictates that I do not do these things fortuitously, only after I have taken care of all of the very important tasks and responsibilities on one of my many lists, do I normally allow myself such an indulgence. The problem with this approach is it can lead to months of unpedicured, chipped toenails and a whole list of other neglected areas.

Laura Ingalls-Wilder once said, “It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.” This week, painting my toenails was one of the sweet, simple things in my life. Those purple toes reminded me to take the time to love myself in the way that I love each member of my family. I tend find caring for myself too luxuriously a bit frivolous and fanciful. It is really hard for me to justify spending time on things like painted toenails when the stack in my inbox is as high as Mount Kilimanjaro. There is always something more worthy and much less selfish calling for my attention. But, sometimes taking time to nurture ourselves is the least selfish thing a woman can do.

When we remember to nourish and love ourselves a little, our families can benefit. Marking little happy things on our calendars just for ourselves can recharge our batteries. And when our hearts are fully charged, caring for others can be refreshing. We just need to be careful, or as a friend of mine says, gentle with ourselves. Don’t forget to gift yourself with time to replenish so you can be there for those who need you.

 The concept to put a little care into ourselves is so simple, yet it is not easy to incorporate into our daily routines when we lead such demanding lives. I think it is so sad that many of us (me included) will continue to run on empty until our bodies send a very uncomfortable and rude awakening. And yet, it is much easier to postpone personal enrichment until it is eventually forgotten, sucking you into the downward cycle of an unconscious life. Protect yourself and the ones you love from this kind of negativity by taking time to rest and maybe even have a little fun – give yourself a little so you can give the world your heart.

I am so thankful to my exciting purple toes for reminding me that sometimes you have to put the lists aside and just relish in those sweet, simple things. I did a little research on little things you can do to keep your energy and spirits high. Here are some of the ideas I found:

Wake before the kids. Have a cup of tea and do a little inspirational reading and then get yourself ready before the kids wake, you might miss out on some sleep, but it is worth it because you feel centered and strong when it is time to get the day going.

Someday maybe lists. Keep a list of all the things you might want to do someday and add to it often. The fact that it says maybe takes some of the pressure off.

Eating a healthy lunch. Try to make something healthy and delicious for lunch as a little treat midday to keep your energy going. For instance, look at yummy salads from your favorite restaurants and replicate them – it’s just as good and as a bonus you’ll save money.

Self grooming. Doing fun little things for yourself like an at home mani and pedi or facial will make you feel special.  

Exercise. Moving your body and working your muscles does as much for your mind and spirit as it does for your body – I hear it’s really not so bad once you get into the habit.

Flowers. Buy yourself some flowers and smell them every time you walk by.

This is just a sampling of the many things we can do. We are all so different and have so many great ideas on how to incorporate little nuggets of happiness into our days, I would love to hear all of your tricks – Please share any that come to mind!

FaceBook Addict?

So how much time do you spend on FaceBook? Really? Be honest now. Upon answering this question for myself I found that while I am certainly prone to getting sucked in for an hour at a time, I am more of a walk-by FaceBooker. I check when I have a quick minute to see if there is anything exciting happening, leave comment or two, and go on my way. I do it this way because I feel like it is less consuming. But, perhaps my method is what led my husband to voice concerns about my social networking - all of those small moments add up to a good chunk of time and a lot of distraction. And for me, time is the most valued asset I have. I try to be very conscious of where I spend each precious moment, so it seems a bit contradictory that I would squander even a second on FaceBook. This apparent inconsistency nagged at me enough to ponder the reason behind my borderline addiction. My conclusion was simple – connection. Staying home with my children full time is the most wonderful part of my life. I. Love. It. Period. It’s the being home all day with little to zero adult contact that takes a toll on my well being, and FaceBook relieves some of that isolation.

Social networking offers a little window into the world of my friends and family and more importantly, allows me a place to be heard. It reminds me of one of my all time favorite quotes from the movie, Shall We Dance. Susan Sarandon’s character profoundly says this: “We need a witness to our lives. There are 6 billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean?” This is what I think makes social networking so popular. Having a witness to our lives– or 138 in my case.  

This realization led me to my next question: How is there any isolation or sadness in our hearts when we are more interconnected than the human mind has ever dared to conceive. FaceBook offers such an amazing tool of connection, and yet I still feel so alone some days. It feels really selfish to admit this on such a public forum, because there are so many good things in my life. To be more precise, so many good people – and it feels like I am somehow dishonoring their love by acknowledging my occasional bouts of melancholy. Yet, if I am to be honest they do exist.

To be clear I have a particularly strong network of love. My support comes in the form of 2 beautiful children, 1 amazing husband, 3 mothers, 3 dads, 4 sisters, 5 brothers, 11 aunts, 7 uncles, and more cousins and friends than I can count. Now, I am not flaunting a list of my very large family to boast – just to make a point. If a person like me who is so blessed with so many wonderful, loving people in her life can be knocked down by the weight of depression, what gives?

I think the answer may come in the form of a little life philosophy I have developed: We all (yes even you) have a little crazy person hiding in the shadows of our brain. Or as Ursula Le Guin put it, “What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?” I often joke that there are two Shawna’s, one is normal and the other is crazy. I try to keep “Crazy Shawna” locked away in an asylum. But, every now again she wriggles out of her white jacket and wreaks havoc on my life in the form of insecurity and fear. She is incapable of seeing the large safety net of friends and family that “Normal Shawna” leans on every day.  She searches for evidence that will verify her hypothesis of aloneness and in the process isolates herself from those who would pull her out of the darkness. Thankfully, as I get older and possibly wiser, “Crazy Shawna” makes her appearance less often. Probably because I now know she is always there ready to take control if I let her.

I have learned to pacify this craziness with tools that can keep “Normal Shawna” in control– and connection is a power tool in my toolbox of life. It is so easy to close the door and pull down the blinds in our private lives, shutting out those who care. Turning inward and obsessing about the hard circumstances of our life seems to be the only option when we are feeling so beaten down. But, there are always other, less crazy choices. Here are a few I have learned over the years from my favorite self-help gurus:

1)    1)  Be pre-emptive. If you know there is a certain time of year when your crazy person comes out to play, prevent her arrival by telling friends and family that she might sneak out. Ask them to check up on you, forcefully if necessary.

2)    2)  Get moving. I know you’ve heard it a thousand times for thousands reasons – but, your brain actually needs exercise in order to function properly according to John Medina, neurologist and author of Brain Rules. So hold off your crazy counterpart with the strength you gain from working out, and even better find a friend who needs to tame her crazy person and work out together.

3)      3) Learn something new. Take a class on anything that seems remotely interesting – this can act as a distraction when crazy is rattling her cage.

4)     4)  Find at least one person in your life you can trust. Your husband, best friend, mother, aunt, uncle, daughter, sister, cousin, pastor or even therapist. We all need someone to confide in, and trust me yourself doesn’t count – that just puts you with the really, really crazy people.

5)    5)  Spirituality. An empty soul is a sad soul. Invite God to join you – and you will truly never be alone.

6)    6)  Give your crazy side a run for her money. Act silly - do something outrageously out of character. Kids are really good at this one; if you don’t have any of your own I highly suggest borrowing a few off a friend, they always come up with the best ideas.

7)    7)   Remember, no matter how bad things may get, you are not alone – there are many people who have faced circumstances similar to yours, and maybe your inner crazy person can connect with theirs. (And it can help to remember there is always someone going through something much worse than you – think Haiti. Not to disqualify your feelings of hurt – just to put them in perspective).

8)     8)  Dance! I personally prefer any and all ghetto, booty music – the dirtier, the better. And remember the more the merrier…there is something so freeing about dancing like there is nobody watching even when there is.

9)      9) Get quiet. Tame that crazy woman inside by silencing your mind. Whether you call it meditation or prayer – it really makes a difference to go inward and just listen to the beauty all around. Sometimes, if you get still enough – you can hear the true prayer of your heart.

10   10) Finally and quite possibly the MOST effective tool: Share yellow m&m’s with all the crazies you meet along the way!