FaceBook Addict?

So how much time do you spend on FaceBook? Really? Be honest now. Upon answering this question for myself I found that while I am certainly prone to getting sucked in for an hour at a time, I am more of a walk-by FaceBooker. I check when I have a quick minute to see if there is anything exciting happening, leave comment or two, and go on my way. I do it this way because I feel like it is less consuming. But, perhaps my method is what led my husband to voice concerns about my social networking - all of those small moments add up to a good chunk of time and a lot of distraction. And for me, time is the most valued asset I have. I try to be very conscious of where I spend each precious moment, so it seems a bit contradictory that I would squander even a second on FaceBook. This apparent inconsistency nagged at me enough to ponder the reason behind my borderline addiction. My conclusion was simple – connection. Staying home with my children full time is the most wonderful part of my life. I. Love. It. Period. It’s the being home all day with little to zero adult contact that takes a toll on my well being, and FaceBook relieves some of that isolation.

Social networking offers a little window into the world of my friends and family and more importantly, allows me a place to be heard. It reminds me of one of my all time favorite quotes from the movie, Shall We Dance. Susan Sarandon’s character profoundly says this: “We need a witness to our lives. There are 6 billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean?” This is what I think makes social networking so popular. Having a witness to our lives– or 138 in my case.  

This realization led me to my next question: How is there any isolation or sadness in our hearts when we are more interconnected than the human mind has ever dared to conceive. FaceBook offers such an amazing tool of connection, and yet I still feel so alone some days. It feels really selfish to admit this on such a public forum, because there are so many good things in my life. To be more precise, so many good people – and it feels like I am somehow dishonoring their love by acknowledging my occasional bouts of melancholy. Yet, if I am to be honest they do exist.

To be clear I have a particularly strong network of love. My support comes in the form of 2 beautiful children, 1 amazing husband, 3 mothers, 3 dads, 4 sisters, 5 brothers, 11 aunts, 7 uncles, and more cousins and friends than I can count. Now, I am not flaunting a list of my very large family to boast – just to make a point. If a person like me who is so blessed with so many wonderful, loving people in her life can be knocked down by the weight of depression, what gives?

I think the answer may come in the form of a little life philosophy I have developed: We all (yes even you) have a little crazy person hiding in the shadows of our brain. Or as Ursula Le Guin put it, “What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?” I often joke that there are two Shawna’s, one is normal and the other is crazy. I try to keep “Crazy Shawna” locked away in an asylum. But, every now again she wriggles out of her white jacket and wreaks havoc on my life in the form of insecurity and fear. She is incapable of seeing the large safety net of friends and family that “Normal Shawna” leans on every day.  She searches for evidence that will verify her hypothesis of aloneness and in the process isolates herself from those who would pull her out of the darkness. Thankfully, as I get older and possibly wiser, “Crazy Shawna” makes her appearance less often. Probably because I now know she is always there ready to take control if I let her.

I have learned to pacify this craziness with tools that can keep “Normal Shawna” in control– and connection is a power tool in my toolbox of life. It is so easy to close the door and pull down the blinds in our private lives, shutting out those who care. Turning inward and obsessing about the hard circumstances of our life seems to be the only option when we are feeling so beaten down. But, there are always other, less crazy choices. Here are a few I have learned over the years from my favorite self-help gurus:

1)    1)  Be pre-emptive. If you know there is a certain time of year when your crazy person comes out to play, prevent her arrival by telling friends and family that she might sneak out. Ask them to check up on you, forcefully if necessary.

2)    2)  Get moving. I know you’ve heard it a thousand times for thousands reasons – but, your brain actually needs exercise in order to function properly according to John Medina, neurologist and author of Brain Rules. So hold off your crazy counterpart with the strength you gain from working out, and even better find a friend who needs to tame her crazy person and work out together.

3)      3) Learn something new. Take a class on anything that seems remotely interesting – this can act as a distraction when crazy is rattling her cage.

4)     4)  Find at least one person in your life you can trust. Your husband, best friend, mother, aunt, uncle, daughter, sister, cousin, pastor or even therapist. We all need someone to confide in, and trust me yourself doesn’t count – that just puts you with the really, really crazy people.

5)    5)  Spirituality. An empty soul is a sad soul. Invite God to join you – and you will truly never be alone.

6)    6)  Give your crazy side a run for her money. Act silly - do something outrageously out of character. Kids are really good at this one; if you don’t have any of your own I highly suggest borrowing a few off a friend, they always come up with the best ideas.

7)    7)   Remember, no matter how bad things may get, you are not alone – there are many people who have faced circumstances similar to yours, and maybe your inner crazy person can connect with theirs. (And it can help to remember there is always someone going through something much worse than you – think Haiti. Not to disqualify your feelings of hurt – just to put them in perspective).

8)     8)  Dance! I personally prefer any and all ghetto, booty music – the dirtier, the better. And remember the more the merrier…there is something so freeing about dancing like there is nobody watching even when there is.

9)      9) Get quiet. Tame that crazy woman inside by silencing your mind. Whether you call it meditation or prayer – it really makes a difference to go inward and just listen to the beauty all around. Sometimes, if you get still enough – you can hear the true prayer of your heart.

10   10) Finally and quite possibly the MOST effective tool: Share yellow m&m’s with all the crazies you meet along the way!