Company is Coming!

Upon waking this morning I realized I survived something significant over the weekend. In fact, I had even prospered and hopefully made a new friend. You see we entertained visitors from out of town. Now this normally puts me in an all out frenzy of intense cleaning the entire week beforehand. I ignore the kids and drive my husband insane in the hopes of having my home in pristine condition by the time the guests arrive. I have caught myself literally following my family with a mini-vac sucking up the evidence of their existence as they go about their day. Or behaving like a paranoid conspiracy theorist because I just know my husband has left that sock on the floor to put me in a padded room. In my moments of clarity the level of perfection I strive for never ceases to amaze me, and this time it pushed me to ask what am I trying to accomplish with all of this?

Do I want our guests to think this house is not lived in? Do I want them to exclaim they are proud or jealous? Or worse, was I challenging them to a duel of some sort….look at me, my house is perfect, I win – so what if you didn’t know we were in a competition! I imagine that this little craziness of mine can, and probably has been interpreted in all of these ways.  When I dig deep I find that what I am looking for is acceptance.  When I dug even deeper I recognized all I wanted was to have a nice time. No praise, no judgment, no competition – just the simple pleasure of their company.

As I was preparing the mountain of work that I impose upon myself before visitors come, I decided to turn things down a notch. I vacuumed. I dusted. I did the dishes - but, I did not use the fine tooth comb to which I have become attached over the years – and this made me VERY uncomfortable.  In fact, I had to make a promise to myself so I would not turn into a tornado of mops and furniture polish. I promised to live as I live when nobody is here to watch me. Picking up as I needed to and letting things go when necessary. I would trust myself to get everything of priority done without allowing the fear of judgment rule my actions. Yes my friends, I made a promise to be human – and to maybe even have a little fun. So, I filled a jar with yellow m&m’s (read The Yellow M&M) and ate one when I felt the need to use a toothbrush on the kitchen counter grout.

It was hard, very hard, not to get the vacuum out or follow my 3 year old around like some kind of maniac picking up the toys as she played throughout the day, but I did it. And I had fun. I was a human being. I spent time getting to know our guests, I cooked, drank wine and played scrabble. I went out on the town and sat on the couch to watch movies. I allowed the weekend to fall where it wanted and it was deliciously imperfect. Don’t get me wrong here, I ate about 92 yellow m&m’s, I am still a recovering perfectionist, but what I learned was priceless and beautiful.

The thing about having another woman in your home is she knows your disposition. And so is an empathetic partner who is not there to judge. She understands the craziness that comes with having a guest in your home – and without fail, like some kind of angel she steps up and just helps out in every way she can. There is a connection, a sisterhood if you will, amongst women. An unsaid covenant that we will never let the other work alone – a woman steps up to do what is needed and her sisters follow and carry the load with her. There is no need for competition. No need for perfect, because the perfection lies in our connection to one another. Trust that you are not alone on this journey – you are walking on the hands of all women before you. They are carrying you through this messy, crazy, wonderful life – easing your burden and offering yellow m&m’s with the loving, helping hands of a mother who knows.