The Kite, the Wind, and Forgiveness

This week I am honoring and remembering the one year anniversary of an important day in my life. The day I contacted and spoke with my biological father for the first time. And as such, it has me thinking of forgiveness. Until last year I never really understood the concept. I thought it was something I had to work really hard at, something that would gradually appear after years of trying and learning and pushing it forth out of my being. So as you can imagine, it came as quite a surprise when it hit me suddenly and easily, like a kite taking off in the wind. I was instantly as light as a feather and soaring on the breeze. Yet, as I peered down at the at the light of the renewed earth below, I had no idea how I had gotten there. After a year interlaced with the grace of soaring high and the despair of crash landings, I think I may have found a path that leads to forgiveness every time.

You see, forgiveness is really nothing more than acceptance. "I forgive you" and "I accept you" are essentially the same. We all have those people in our life who we think, if only they would change in this way or that - then I could forgive them or if only they would behave more like me forgiveness would be easier. I believe that loneliness is born from these thoughts. Our isolation comes directly from the refusal to accept the unchangeable, and let's face it, people (especially family) are the one thing that fall into the category of unchangeable things 100% of the time. Desire to change a person becomes interpreted by that person as refusal of love, this is where the construction of walls between loved ones begins. Miscommunication pushes us into a downward cycle of the blame game. You think, "If only Fred would put the toilet seat down, then he would be perfect and I could love him in the way he wants" while Fred is thinking, "If only Marge would accept me then I would consider putting the toilet seat down." Our inability to accept the people in our life for all they are (flaws included) becomes a wall between us and those people. Often times the walls we build to shelter and protect ourselves from disappointment, completely obscure us from those who we need to be seen by the most.

It is ironic that we are the ones who become invisible when we refuse to see and accept what is before us. Out of an intention to protect ourselves, we unknowingly isolate ourselves from both the bad and the good within the people we love. We then go and sit on our dark little pity pot and wonder why we feel so alone. In contrast, by accepting how loved ones are different from us and understanding the fact that we have absolutely no power to change those differences, we break little holes in the wall surrounding us. Until suddenly the prison we have built around ourselves completely crumbles, and we begin to see love again. Without consciously forgiving, we automatically acknowledge, and most importantly, reunite our own light with the light inside our loved ones. When we break out of the prison built by grudges, we can soar in the clouds with the wind.  Just like that we can become kites dancing and floating on the breeze. The wind defines the kite, and the kite the wind, as they discover themselves in an amazing and beautiful dance.

Acceptance is all any of us really want isn't it? For someone to say, "I accept you for all that you are. I see you, and I still love you." To honor, rather than criticize one's individual spirit is the greatest gift we can give. What a relief to know that differences are okay. That, in fact, our uniqueness lies somewhere in the space between you and I - that in some ways I get my me-ness from your you-ness. And what a relief to know that I do not have to change you in order to love you. That when I forgive you for your mistakes, when I accept you in spite of those mistakes, I give myself the most precious gift of all, freedom to dance in the space between my heart and yours.