The Near Poop Incident….

On our 2 hour drive home from Easter festivities, we experienced a near poop incident with our four-year old daughter. Right as we hit a stretch of highway lacking in exits with any type of civilization, my daughter said she had to go to the bathroom. We acknowledged her request and asked if she could wait just a few more minutes. She said yes, but the look on her face was not convincing, and about 2 minutes later it was clear that we had run out of time. To cries of “It’s coming, it’s coming”, my husband and I panicked to find a way to help her. In the midst of the chaos I remembered that I had put an emergency potty in the back of the car for just this kind of situation. So, my husband pulled over on the side of the freeway and I raced out of the car to get the potty. Now, before I go on to the next part I have to tell you that all of this happened in a span of about 20 seconds; And, I was very motivated by the prospect of cleaning up a very messy situation. Time was my enemy.

So, as I ran to the back of the car and swung the door open, I had completely forgotten about our dog. Captain Nemo jumped out of the car as soon as I opened the door. Now, mind you, we were approximately 3 feet from cars going at least 70 mph, and Captain went right for the road. In that split second I saw about 25 different possibilities in which our whole family ended up either in the hospital or the morgue. So I threw myself on top of Captain’s hind quarters as he continued to lurch toward his inevitable demise. Just to give you a visual he is a 100 pound black lab who is very strong, and I am a petite woman. After what seemed like an hour of forceful wind from the speeding cars taking my breath away, I grabbed a hold of his back hair and pulled him on top of me as I fell backward. After ushering him safely back into the car and finding the potty I was walking around in circles at the side of the expressway, trying to figure out how to get my daughter the relief she needed. The only thing I knew for sure was that getting her out of the car anywhere near the speeding cars, was not an option. This is when my hero, otherwise known as my husband leaped into action. He pulled me into the car hopped into the back, grabbed the potty, and pulled Charlie out of her seat to the back with him. Within seconds she was on the potty doing her business and I was still trying to figure out what had just happened.

Thankfully, she was able to hold it until Joe delivered the potty and so I assisted in the rationing of baby wipes and dispensing of the contents of the potty. Before I knew it we were back on the road. The entire incident lasted less than 5 minutes, but I will never forget the lessons in those short moments. Life really can be taken away in a blink of an eye. And even if you are one of the lucky ones to survive to a ripe old age, life goes by too quickly to waste even one moment with things that don’t really matter. Things like grudges and insecurities and fear and resentment. All I could think as I held on to Captain next to was “We aren’t done living yet! God please help us!” I swear there must have been an angel sent to help me pull that dog away from the road, because I have no idea how I was able to keep him from going forward, and for that I am eternally grateful.

After the incident my husband and I were talking about all of the possible outcomes for the day and we both agreed that next time no one gets out of the car. All of that risk over a little bit of poop was not worth it. Later that evening after we were home safe and unpacking from the trip, Joe came out of nowhere and gave me the tightest, biggest bear hug and the sweetest kiss. When I asked what it was for he said that he just imagined his life without me and it scared him, then he kissed me on the forehead again and said “I am so glad you are my wife”. These are the moments I want to spend my life on, appreciating my family and friends while they are right here right now, because while there are no guarantees they will always be here with me, I don’t even want to imagine life without them. So hug the ones you love today and remember to give them a little yellow m&m of their own to cherish.

Another Little Yellow M&M?

God is funny. Just when you think you are all alone and it’s time to take matters into your own hands, He (or She!) shows up like a personal cheerleader. I tend to forget that grace can appear in the most unexpectedly wonderful ways. I have been feeling lost for some time now and I just finally asked for a little direction last week; a sign, anything that would give me a clue about which way to turn at this juncture in my life. On Friday, God answered in a big way. As I entered our car to attend a study session for blogging, I looked at the seat to find another little yellow m&m gleaming at me like a tiny little ray of sunshine. Now one might think we just eat a lot of m&m’s in our house, but I assure that is not the case (4 big bags a week is normal, right?). I am certain there was as much meaning behind this m&m as the first. And so, I looked up, smiled, said thank you, and (I think you will be happy to hear) reached down and ate that little yellow m&m without even a hint of hesitation. His answer was clear – go straight ahead and you will end up where you need to be.

That is a really hard thing to do for some of us isn’t it? I mean just follow the road you are on until you see a sign telling you which way to turn. I like a map when I go into uncharted territory. And boy do I have a lot of maps lying around our house. Plans and to-dos, goals and aspirations, charts, spreadsheets, and actual maps since my husband is essentially a map-maker, you name it and I have a piece of paper to direct and focus what needs to happen and why. The thing about all of those papers is this: My life never goes as planned. Ever. Period. I am finally learning that the only significance to any plans I may have is they help me define what I want and need to do in my life. All of those little notes I make about how to get there, might as well be gibberish. Now, don’t get me wrong I still find value in planning and I still make the plans, very detailed ones in fact – because I’m crazily addicted to organizing gadgets and I like to think I am in control of how my life unfolds. But, I am learning not to fight God when he veers off of the chart I have just tabulated in Google docs, because his way is ALWAYS better.  I find that when I just go with his flow and follow the signs he inevitably posts, my life sails more smoothly than I can even dare to imagine.

Which brings me back to the reason I needed to ask for help in the first place, someone I love very dearly told me the epiphany I received after finding the first little yellow m&m represented something far greater than I even imagined. She told me that the yellow m&m was the sun that I, and all women really, had been desperately seeking over the long, dark winter. And the call to action I had felt was to take that tiny bit of sunlight into the lives of as many women as I could reach. To deliver joy into the lives of women is no small task. And while I really wanted her explanation to be true – it freaked me out! I doubted her words – I doubted myself. It seemed like such a big mission for little insignificant me. And so, I went inside of myself and questioned her interpretation of the infamous yellow m&m that had landed in my seat. I felt she was right, but I did not have the how I needed. And so over the last few weeks I have planned and replanned and thought and calculated about how I could force this idea into being until I actually got sick of using Google docs and all of my little organizing tools (gasp!).  It was when I stopped trying so hard that I could finally see what was there all along.

God unveiled lots of little signs that I followed right to the second yellow m&m and this ultimate conclusion:  Put your need to control aside, open your eyes, listen closely, and God will unfold the opportunities that have been waiting for you all along. When we put too much time into the planning of our lives we forget to do the one thing we are meant to do – LIVE! Cry when you need to, laugh when its hard, hope when your lost, and love through it all. Collect those small moments of life and pull them out when you need to be reminded that you are alive; pick up one of those little rays of sunshine that most people call yellow m&m’s and remember that life really is all about the journey.

Purpley Toes

Last night I decided to paint my toes purple. I was so excited with the outcome that I’m pretty sure I asked my husband about five hundred times if he liked my new purple toes – and with each prompting he would glance and murmur something that sounded like yes; I was so disappointed. I’m not sure what I expected, perhaps I wanted him to jump off the couch and kiss each toe in pure delight or create an impromptu song and dance about my perfect purple toes. I suppose I continued to ask because I simply could not fathom why he was not as elated as I was. But, looking back I can’t say that I have ever been too enthusiastic over the painting of another’s toes, so I couldn’t blame him for his lack of interest.  The contrast in our responses to my lovely lavender toes sparked a curiosity: Why exactly was I so happy about my purple toes?

I think many of you will relate that it is a big deal to find the time and motivation to do something as playful as painting your toenails in the middle of winter, with no impending event where one might see said toes. And I am certain that my degree of happiness had more to do with the idea that I was giving myself a little unscheduled, unplanned, and unnecessary attention than the nail polish itself. Having two small children dictates that I do not do these things fortuitously, only after I have taken care of all of the very important tasks and responsibilities on one of my many lists, do I normally allow myself such an indulgence. The problem with this approach is it can lead to months of unpedicured, chipped toenails and a whole list of other neglected areas.

Laura Ingalls-Wilder once said, “It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.” This week, painting my toenails was one of the sweet, simple things in my life. Those purple toes reminded me to take the time to love myself in the way that I love each member of my family. I tend find caring for myself too luxuriously a bit frivolous and fanciful. It is really hard for me to justify spending time on things like painted toenails when the stack in my inbox is as high as Mount Kilimanjaro. There is always something more worthy and much less selfish calling for my attention. But, sometimes taking time to nurture ourselves is the least selfish thing a woman can do.

When we remember to nourish and love ourselves a little, our families can benefit. Marking little happy things on our calendars just for ourselves can recharge our batteries. And when our hearts are fully charged, caring for others can be refreshing. We just need to be careful, or as a friend of mine says, gentle with ourselves. Don’t forget to gift yourself with time to replenish so you can be there for those who need you.

 The concept to put a little care into ourselves is so simple, yet it is not easy to incorporate into our daily routines when we lead such demanding lives. I think it is so sad that many of us (me included) will continue to run on empty until our bodies send a very uncomfortable and rude awakening. And yet, it is much easier to postpone personal enrichment until it is eventually forgotten, sucking you into the downward cycle of an unconscious life. Protect yourself and the ones you love from this kind of negativity by taking time to rest and maybe even have a little fun – give yourself a little so you can give the world your heart.

I am so thankful to my exciting purple toes for reminding me that sometimes you have to put the lists aside and just relish in those sweet, simple things. I did a little research on little things you can do to keep your energy and spirits high. Here are some of the ideas I found:

Wake before the kids. Have a cup of tea and do a little inspirational reading and then get yourself ready before the kids wake, you might miss out on some sleep, but it is worth it because you feel centered and strong when it is time to get the day going.

Someday maybe lists. Keep a list of all the things you might want to do someday and add to it often. The fact that it says maybe takes some of the pressure off.

Eating a healthy lunch. Try to make something healthy and delicious for lunch as a little treat midday to keep your energy going. For instance, look at yummy salads from your favorite restaurants and replicate them – it’s just as good and as a bonus you’ll save money.

Self grooming. Doing fun little things for yourself like an at home mani and pedi or facial will make you feel special.  

Exercise. Moving your body and working your muscles does as much for your mind and spirit as it does for your body – I hear it’s really not so bad once you get into the habit.

Flowers. Buy yourself some flowers and smell them every time you walk by.

This is just a sampling of the many things we can do. We are all so different and have so many great ideas on how to incorporate little nuggets of happiness into our days, I would love to hear all of your tricks – Please share any that come to mind!

FaceBook Addict?

So how much time do you spend on FaceBook? Really? Be honest now. Upon answering this question for myself I found that while I am certainly prone to getting sucked in for an hour at a time, I am more of a walk-by FaceBooker. I check when I have a quick minute to see if there is anything exciting happening, leave comment or two, and go on my way. I do it this way because I feel like it is less consuming. But, perhaps my method is what led my husband to voice concerns about my social networking - all of those small moments add up to a good chunk of time and a lot of distraction. And for me, time is the most valued asset I have. I try to be very conscious of where I spend each precious moment, so it seems a bit contradictory that I would squander even a second on FaceBook. This apparent inconsistency nagged at me enough to ponder the reason behind my borderline addiction. My conclusion was simple – connection. Staying home with my children full time is the most wonderful part of my life. I. Love. It. Period. It’s the being home all day with little to zero adult contact that takes a toll on my well being, and FaceBook relieves some of that isolation.

Social networking offers a little window into the world of my friends and family and more importantly, allows me a place to be heard. It reminds me of one of my all time favorite quotes from the movie, Shall We Dance. Susan Sarandon’s character profoundly says this: “We need a witness to our lives. There are 6 billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean?” This is what I think makes social networking so popular. Having a witness to our lives– or 138 in my case.  

This realization led me to my next question: How is there any isolation or sadness in our hearts when we are more interconnected than the human mind has ever dared to conceive. FaceBook offers such an amazing tool of connection, and yet I still feel so alone some days. It feels really selfish to admit this on such a public forum, because there are so many good things in my life. To be more precise, so many good people – and it feels like I am somehow dishonoring their love by acknowledging my occasional bouts of melancholy. Yet, if I am to be honest they do exist.

To be clear I have a particularly strong network of love. My support comes in the form of 2 beautiful children, 1 amazing husband, 3 mothers, 3 dads, 4 sisters, 5 brothers, 11 aunts, 7 uncles, and more cousins and friends than I can count. Now, I am not flaunting a list of my very large family to boast – just to make a point. If a person like me who is so blessed with so many wonderful, loving people in her life can be knocked down by the weight of depression, what gives?

I think the answer may come in the form of a little life philosophy I have developed: We all (yes even you) have a little crazy person hiding in the shadows of our brain. Or as Ursula Le Guin put it, “What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?” I often joke that there are two Shawna’s, one is normal and the other is crazy. I try to keep “Crazy Shawna” locked away in an asylum. But, every now again she wriggles out of her white jacket and wreaks havoc on my life in the form of insecurity and fear. She is incapable of seeing the large safety net of friends and family that “Normal Shawna” leans on every day.  She searches for evidence that will verify her hypothesis of aloneness and in the process isolates herself from those who would pull her out of the darkness. Thankfully, as I get older and possibly wiser, “Crazy Shawna” makes her appearance less often. Probably because I now know she is always there ready to take control if I let her.

I have learned to pacify this craziness with tools that can keep “Normal Shawna” in control– and connection is a power tool in my toolbox of life. It is so easy to close the door and pull down the blinds in our private lives, shutting out those who care. Turning inward and obsessing about the hard circumstances of our life seems to be the only option when we are feeling so beaten down. But, there are always other, less crazy choices. Here are a few I have learned over the years from my favorite self-help gurus:

1)    1)  Be pre-emptive. If you know there is a certain time of year when your crazy person comes out to play, prevent her arrival by telling friends and family that she might sneak out. Ask them to check up on you, forcefully if necessary.

2)    2)  Get moving. I know you’ve heard it a thousand times for thousands reasons – but, your brain actually needs exercise in order to function properly according to John Medina, neurologist and author of Brain Rules. So hold off your crazy counterpart with the strength you gain from working out, and even better find a friend who needs to tame her crazy person and work out together.

3)      3) Learn something new. Take a class on anything that seems remotely interesting – this can act as a distraction when crazy is rattling her cage.

4)     4)  Find at least one person in your life you can trust. Your husband, best friend, mother, aunt, uncle, daughter, sister, cousin, pastor or even therapist. We all need someone to confide in, and trust me yourself doesn’t count – that just puts you with the really, really crazy people.

5)    5)  Spirituality. An empty soul is a sad soul. Invite God to join you – and you will truly never be alone.

6)    6)  Give your crazy side a run for her money. Act silly - do something outrageously out of character. Kids are really good at this one; if you don’t have any of your own I highly suggest borrowing a few off a friend, they always come up with the best ideas.

7)    7)   Remember, no matter how bad things may get, you are not alone – there are many people who have faced circumstances similar to yours, and maybe your inner crazy person can connect with theirs. (And it can help to remember there is always someone going through something much worse than you – think Haiti. Not to disqualify your feelings of hurt – just to put them in perspective).

8)     8)  Dance! I personally prefer any and all ghetto, booty music – the dirtier, the better. And remember the more the merrier…there is something so freeing about dancing like there is nobody watching even when there is.

9)      9) Get quiet. Tame that crazy woman inside by silencing your mind. Whether you call it meditation or prayer – it really makes a difference to go inward and just listen to the beauty all around. Sometimes, if you get still enough – you can hear the true prayer of your heart.

10   10) Finally and quite possibly the MOST effective tool: Share yellow m&m’s with all the crazies you meet along the way!                                                                                                                                                    

Jagged Little Pride

Swallowed any pride lately? I just did and it was sort of like when you accidently swallow a potato chip that is only partially chewed. You feel it scraping the whole way down and for a split-second you think it just might rip open your throat and kill you. It’s pretty unpleasant, but once it passes there is complete and utter relief because you made it through alive. Yup, that is exactly how I feel.

I wonder what makes saying I’m sorry - or even worse saying I’m wrong - so difficult. Is it the little argument (or occasionally all out war) that you have in your head beforehand? My mind moves swiftly between defense and offense, listing explanations and reasons and excuses about why I am justified in my actions– while that judgmental little voice nags in the back of my head telling me why all those reasons are complete and utter B.S.; and let’s be frank here, I know which voice is right from the beginning, but I try to justify anyway.

Isn’t it frustrating knowing what’s right does not make things easier? You would think righteousness would make everything easier, but it doesn’t because righteousness is holding onto a huge, jagged edged potato chip with wrong written all over it. You have to swallow down all of the wrong in order to get to the right. And boy does it hurt to force it down. It is as if that one little act of taking blame threatens who you are as a person.

It is human to want to believe that we are good, right? We need to trust we are living a life of meaning and justice. Sometimes, I think we hide behind a façade of perfection in hopes that we will be loved for our humanitarian efforts. We seem to think goodness makes us more human somehow. But the truth is much messier isn’t it? We aren’t always good, precisely because we are human. We make mistakes. We get insecure and defensive and flat out careless sometimes. Why is it such a crime to be human in our own minds? How often have you put yourself on trial for behaving poorly? How often do you put others on trial for their humanness? (I personally enjoy these trials much more than my own). Why is it so hard to just let things go? To just live and let live?

Forgiveness is a word that is carelessly thrown around in our culture and so I thought I understood how to forgive and what it conveys. But, I never really grasped its true meaning until I felt real forgiveness for another who had wronged me. It tore down walls within I never knew I had built. Forgiveness created space for love in my heart which cascaded gracefully throughout my life. Eventually that wave of forgiveness allowed me to absolve even myself. There is nothing more freeing than forgiving yourself and those you love for being simple humans. And yet, I still struggle to admit fault.

And so as I sit here, my throat still sore from all I swallowed by accepting blame, feeling the sting of humiliation. I realize it is exactly because I am human that I must sometimes force down my need for righteousness. My humanity demands it from me. Knowing I’m wrong and saying it gives me the opportunity to wash that hard, crooked, sharp potato chip down with the love and relief of a little yellow m&m (The Yellow M&M), and for that I am grateful.

On Being a Parent

Okay, so yesterday was an interesting day. I somehow figured this out as we were sitting at the dinner table with our children screaming in unison, a barking dog, and a kitten having digestive problems (otherwise known as diarrhea). Did I mention the phone was ringing too? My exhausted husband and I began to get upset and then realizing our efforts were futile just started laughing – because there was literally nothing else we could do. And so rather than joining the craziness by adding even more screaming, we proceeded to have a pleasant conversation about our day, literally shouting  over all of the chaos. Occasionally stopping to address our 3 year old when she had crossed the line, and overall I left the dinner feeling it was a fruitful conversation. Not necessarily because it was extraordinarily engaging, but rather because my husband and I made it through without resorting to a verbal wrestling match over the whole scene.

Now, fortunately I was able to escape the madness shortly after dinner to go and meet a friend (thank you honey). Upon telling her and another childless friend the story, rather dramatically resting my head in my hands and rubbing my face I might add. I glanced up to see the look of horror on their faces. What struck me was not that they were looking upon me with such concern, but rather I thought I was telling funny story of perseverance and triumph over the extreme exhaustion of parenting, but I don't think they got that. Instead what I had done was effectively spook them about ever having any children of their own. I proceeded to talk about the fact that raising small children is so unbelievably tiring and difficult, not taking into consideration that I might be scaring the pants off of both of them. So this blog is for them, and my other friends who have not had children – I need to rectify some things about being a parent that I left out.

First and foremost, I want to impart how absolutely and undeniably humbling it is to be a parent. No one is as honest as a child and no one is as special as your own child. Combine those two facts and you get a crash course on what it really means to take yourself with a grain of salt. You have so many plans and ideas about how you will raise your children. You prepare with books and magazine articles that teach you the 10 steps to being a great parent, convinced this is all you need to be ready for the job. You even bring these articles to the waiting room of your prenatal visits like some kind of badge of readiness and ability to parent (or was that just me?). But, the truth is nothing can prepare you for the wonder and pure love that awaits you in your baby’s eyes. Having a child reminds you how precious life is, and also how imperfect. How no matter what plans you make – God may have something else in mind for you. How sometimes you just don’t have the answers. How sometimes just surviving another evening without anger and yelling is an accomplishment in and of itself.

Now I am not here to deify parents or parenting in any way. We are all in a constant flux of worry and extreme joy within any given moment; believe me, I wouldn’t wish that kind of mood fluctuation on anybody. And yes those of us with young ones look harried and tired most of the time for a reason – namely complete and utter fatigue. There have been moments (usually when I have had a total of 6 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period) when I have entertained the notion that my children may be trying to destroy me. Now, stick with me here because maybe they are – but not in the intentionally cruel and destructive horror movie sense. Maybe they are tearing down walls and preconceptions that I have developed over the span of my life, because they are meant to push me beyond my comfort levels. They really are ripping through my selfishness and teaching me the beauty of complete compassion and love for another human being. They are essentially destroying the limitations and walls I have built around myself over the years. Teaching me that yes I can survive and even thrive on very little sleep. That stress is there to remind me of my humanness – to remind me of my failures - instructing me to embrace those very failures because they are gift. Giving me a chance to remember to always get back up when I fall down. To always reach out for help when I need it and that sometimes my “plans” are not as important as the lessons I can learn from the ruin of those plans. Because what often takes the place of those plans is something much more precious than I dared to imagine. 

As John Lennon put it in his song Beautiful Boy, “Life is just what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” And that is so true isn’t it? As a parent and recovering perfectionist I am so guilty of making plans and ignoring the life that is happening all around me. And sometimes, it takes a dinner of screaming children and barking dogs and laughter to remind me that life is always happening whether I plan it or not.

So, to my friends who have not taken the leap of faith and sanity required to knowingly produce a child, know this: The treasures of being a parent greatly outweigh the challenges by far. As I emphatically mentioned above, children are exhausting, but they are much more wonderful than you can imagine too. Please do not allow the fear of screaming, crazy, demanding children keep you from one of life’s greatest gifts. Please look onto my dark circles, frizzy hair and snot stained clothes with courage, because behind all of that is a woman who’s heart is full. You will certainly need a really big jar of yellow m&m’s (The Yellow M&M) to remind you of this, but assure you will not regret the sunshine and hope a child can bring.

Company is Coming!

Upon waking this morning I realized I survived something significant over the weekend. In fact, I had even prospered and hopefully made a new friend. You see we entertained visitors from out of town. Now this normally puts me in an all out frenzy of intense cleaning the entire week beforehand. I ignore the kids and drive my husband insane in the hopes of having my home in pristine condition by the time the guests arrive. I have caught myself literally following my family with a mini-vac sucking up the evidence of their existence as they go about their day. Or behaving like a paranoid conspiracy theorist because I just know my husband has left that sock on the floor to put me in a padded room. In my moments of clarity the level of perfection I strive for never ceases to amaze me, and this time it pushed me to ask what am I trying to accomplish with all of this?

Do I want our guests to think this house is not lived in? Do I want them to exclaim they are proud or jealous? Or worse, was I challenging them to a duel of some sort….look at me, my house is perfect, I win – so what if you didn’t know we were in a competition! I imagine that this little craziness of mine can, and probably has been interpreted in all of these ways.  When I dig deep I find that what I am looking for is acceptance.  When I dug even deeper I recognized all I wanted was to have a nice time. No praise, no judgment, no competition – just the simple pleasure of their company.

As I was preparing the mountain of work that I impose upon myself before visitors come, I decided to turn things down a notch. I vacuumed. I dusted. I did the dishes - but, I did not use the fine tooth comb to which I have become attached over the years – and this made me VERY uncomfortable.  In fact, I had to make a promise to myself so I would not turn into a tornado of mops and furniture polish. I promised to live as I live when nobody is here to watch me. Picking up as I needed to and letting things go when necessary. I would trust myself to get everything of priority done without allowing the fear of judgment rule my actions. Yes my friends, I made a promise to be human – and to maybe even have a little fun. So, I filled a jar with yellow m&m’s (read The Yellow M&M) and ate one when I felt the need to use a toothbrush on the kitchen counter grout.

It was hard, very hard, not to get the vacuum out or follow my 3 year old around like some kind of maniac picking up the toys as she played throughout the day, but I did it. And I had fun. I was a human being. I spent time getting to know our guests, I cooked, drank wine and played scrabble. I went out on the town and sat on the couch to watch movies. I allowed the weekend to fall where it wanted and it was deliciously imperfect. Don’t get me wrong here, I ate about 92 yellow m&m’s, I am still a recovering perfectionist, but what I learned was priceless and beautiful.

The thing about having another woman in your home is she knows your disposition. And so is an empathetic partner who is not there to judge. She understands the craziness that comes with having a guest in your home – and without fail, like some kind of angel she steps up and just helps out in every way she can. There is a connection, a sisterhood if you will, amongst women. An unsaid covenant that we will never let the other work alone – a woman steps up to do what is needed and her sisters follow and carry the load with her. There is no need for competition. No need for perfect, because the perfection lies in our connection to one another. Trust that you are not alone on this journey – you are walking on the hands of all women before you. They are carrying you through this messy, crazy, wonderful life – easing your burden and offering yellow m&m’s with the loving, helping hands of a mother who knows.