A Letter to the Residents of the North and South Pole

I know many of you are sick of political talk, and I understand, so here is your warning - political speak ahead - leave now or forever hold your peace. You might also heed before you read on, that if you are extreme in your political views either left or right, I am about to reprimand you (so perhaps it is best that you do not continue reading if you have thin skin).

First, to the liberals out on the far left saying we have come to a new dawn of liberal awakening in this country: Stop. Please just stop and think before you go on anymore. While there is certainly a shift to the left - this is hardly a mandate to impose a liberal agenda on the American people. Let’s be grateful for this shift in our direction, yes, but mandate? Really? Remember where we were just 2 years ago on these issues? You can’t all have amnesia, seems more like a case of selective memory to me. If anything, there has a been a mandate to move to the center and be reasonable, responsible human beings. Can you say Tea Party? You know, the massive movement that assumed a mandate 2 years ago? I know it might be hard to remember since they were rarely mentioned, if at all, in this election cycle; but there is a lesson in their being left out of the conversation. They assumed more support than what they really had, let’s not repeat their history by overstating a 3 point margin on the national vote. Speaking of The Right, as for you, my fellow Americans - holding onto the house is also NOT a mandate by the American people to be uncooperative. Holding onto the position of no new taxes as though taxes are the only problem plaguing America is tantamount to delusional thinking. No new taxes? Ever? Really? Come on.

My plea to my friends, family, acquaintances, and people I don’t even know who reside in the figurative poles of the political spectrum is this: Move! It’s cold and lonely in both the North and South Pole, and might I add you can get little done in the name of even the best of causes from either place. Communications are unstable in these barren and cold destinations. When seen from this light, it does however make sense that you resort to shouting in order to be heard - the simplicity of the enormous distance between you dictates that you must. But, I would advise, there is a better way. Sure you can keep your igloo there in the poles where you live; but you may want to consider getting a second home somewhere closer to the equator, if you truly believe in your cause the way your fervor indicates.

Real progress is made in the small steps we take toward each other each day, each moment. There are so many things we can agree on when we go to the equator. First, the weather is nicer there, I think we can all agree on that (or are we that far gone?). Second, it's a scientific fact that people are happier when they have a little sun shining down on them. Think about that person you love who resides in the pole opposite of yours, when you strip away their differentness and see them there standing in the light of day - don’t you still love them? Aren’t they still human? Is it possible that some of what they are saying has some merit? Where can you meet them? Maybe the 45th parallel is as far as you can go - but understand, that leaves your loved one traveling a much farther distance to see you, and hence decreases the chances of them doing so.

Let me be clear, moving to the middle does not entail handing the other side a list so they can move closer to you. You must review the issues most important to you and prioritize them. Perhaps there are some you are unwilling to budge on, and that is okay, like I said, keep your igloo if you want, and maybe just take a vacation at the equator for a bit. Move down your list of priorities to number three and four and five and six - can you budge there? And if not, if it must be all or nothing for you, if you like living in the arctic, remember this - people vacation in The Bahamas for a reason.

How can we expect our politicians to move toward one another if the people who elected them are permanently located in the North and South poles? We are the real leaders - not the people we elect. Aren’t we their bosses? Don’t we elect them to follow us? And isn’t the best way to lead by example? They are called representatives because they represent the makeup of this country. If you feel like the politicians are sick, you cannot and must not remove yourself from that diagnosis, what symptoms might you be causing? One of the few things universally agreed upon is that we are all tired of the bickering, and yet we do nothing but complain from our igloos, criticizing those who believe different from us for not coming to visit our pole.

As I watch the news about the impending financial cliff, I am cautiously optimistic when I see two sides reaching their hands out toward one another to solve a problem that could hurt us all equally. My real concern lies in our reaction to their willingness to compromise. Will we reward them for their efforts? Or will we the people continue our unhealthy, bipolar, and often delusional swings from one opinion to the other? Let us all pray for our leaders to take it upon themselves to visit in the warmth of the equator for these upcoming discussions, our sanity just may depend on it.

Today I Rest...

Today I rest. Which is not an easy choice for a person who often equates rest with laziness. But, I have to admit it feels really good to give myself permission to relax after a busy month of fun and excitement. I rest not out of complaint, but joy. Not exhaustion, but gratitude. Resting to regenerate and rejuvenate. Resting to get up and go. Resting to awaken my life once more. Resting so I may have energy to move my life in the direction of my dreams.

I believe there are many different kinds of exhaustion, but most can be broken down into two categories: Exhaustion from love and exhaustion from fear. I have spent the last month moving forward in the name of love. Which has in many ways been self sustaining. My love and excitement for what I have been doing has refueled my battery to charge on. And, now I have come to the point of reflection and assessment. It feels right. It feels like contentment and love to allow my energy to flow in the beauty of the moment.

I have found that being present to what my body and my soul need does not entail effort, only awareness and action. I now see I can be brave enough to let all things go, so I can see the peace in both in my passions and my commitments. Stress begets stress. Peace begets peace. Both serve an ultimate purpose of preserving and protecting our lives so we may experience the glory within and around us. Too often I choose the cycle of stress in the name of righteousness. In the name of martyrdom - so that I might be recognized for my effort. How silly.

Imagine a world where we desire recognition for our peace and the output of love emanating from our soul. What a place that would be. I am certain yellow M&M's would flow endlessly in a world like that.

Crazy Town (A.K.A My Ego)

My mind took a visit to Crazy Town today. Crazy Town sounds fun you might say, but I assure you it is not. Oh it sounds like a great idea when you decide to go - fun, righteous even - but there is always the inevitable trip home. You leave Crazy town feeling much the same as you might feel leaving Vegas. Slightly hungover, and full of secret regret. You see my lovely husband has been doing dishes and laundry all day in honor of my birthday, which is an amazing and thoughtful gift. The only problem with it is it made me feel guilty enough to snap at him. I felt like his helping me was somehow a comment on my not doing it. What makes this particularly unsettling is that when he doesn't help, I'm pissed about that too (I have no idea how he is still married to me, bless his soul).

It is like my ego has a death grip on my happiness when it comes to these things. Somewhere in my mind I have learned that it is not ok to be happy or even content, when it comes to house chores. Guilt is the default for getting help. Anger is the default for needing help. My question is this - where is the happy medium between the extremes of guilt and anger? Further, where else in my life is my ego getting in the way of happiness?

Both are difficult questions that I will attempt to answer on my own, but I am much more interested in what all of you think about this conundrum. Because I suspect I am not alone in these feelings. I have a hunch my maniacal ego has had training from my own experience and society at large. Personal development and spirituality books teach me that simple awareness is key to overcoming the ego, but I feel doubtful. It feels much more complicated than that. And even if it is simpler than I think - it will be very hard work to overcome such ingrained thought processes.

To say it will be difficult is not to say that I want to give up before trying - I am just acknowledging the suffering that lies ahead. And frankly, it feels good to vent before going down a path that will be difficult. It seems to be a pattern with me, like the time Joe and I climbed Pikes Peak - a seven mile trail on a fourteeen thousand foot mountain. A feat that intimidated me to my core.

We started out late and before we got a mile in I came up with a dozen reasons why we should turn around and do it another day. Joe would have none of it. That's when I resorted to tears. His reaction to my crying was, "Turn around if you want to, but I'm going to the top." At that point I became angry and did not speak for the next two hours, but I kept walking. I was terrified at what I had gotten myself into and my ego was feeding the fear with thoughts of failure and unworthiness. I feel the same sense of overwhelmed discouragement as I look at my mountainous ego, except that it seems much higher - and I have no Joe to drag me to the top. This is a journey I must travel alone.

It is possible I am making more of this than I should. In fact, perhaps it is simply my ego doing the writing. At times I do feel my ego has a life of its own, warring against my attempts to disarm it. Although, when I think about it, I suppose I am making some progress. There was a time when my ego was only a hint of a shadow in the back of my mind, but now I can see her shape and form and behavior - she is blurry, but I can see her. Perhaps ego destruction is a simple matter of awareness. It is conceivable that my distress is born of impatience. And so maybe the specific advice for me is that awareness over time is the only weapon against an ego gone wild.

Deepak Chopra says, "Your mind is expert at hiding from itself, and your ego insists that building boundaries is one of its most important jobs." This is something I am convinced is true. My ego has all kinds of weird boundaries to "protect" me from being hurt. The problem with most of them is that they also block me from experiencing joy. I am to a point in my life when joy is too precious to squander on silly notions of preventing possible pain. I will choose joy every time when I am conscious of it.

And there is the challenge, the mountain, that lies before me. To ween myself off the strange and addictive behaviors my ego has forged to protect me. To let the messy bits of myself spill out and trust that I will have a towel on hand to clean up when needed. Not easy for a perfectionist, but necessary for contentment. I suppose that leaves one final question when it comes to the ego - do you think she will take bribes of yellow M&M's to behave herself? Yeah, I didn't think so either - but it might be worth a try.

Mind Reading for Lent Anyone?

Lent. While I am certainly not catholic I have come to look forward to the practice of lent. The idea of going without certain indulgences for 40 days has an appeal to me. Mostly, because it is not FOREVER. You can make a commitment to give up anything, say pizza, for a kind of trial period. Perhaps, at the end you will find yourself gorging an entire pizza. But, perhaps you will find there really is no need for pizza in your life at all (and just for the record this would be highly unlikely in my own life - there are times when only a pizza will do). 

So, as I have been sitting back and watching friends give up various worldly goods and habits for lent, I have been thinking about what I might live without for 40 days and 40 nights. Surprisingly, my list was very, very long, and as such I will not bore you with the details. But, I would like to share the habit that won out over all the rest. Mind reading.

Just to be clear for those of you who might be freaking out, I have no magical powers. I only think I do. While I am certainly a perceptive and even intuitive person with a psychology degree - I am wrong more than I am right when getting into the business of other people's minds. A slight gesture or off remark can send me on a tangent of fret for days. When the truth is the person whose mind I have read (usually my husband's) is just having a bad day. By the time I work up the courage to address the issue I have created with the "mind readee", they have no idea what I am talking about. And I have spent all of that time shooting cortisol into my bloodstream for absolutely no reason.

It is a habit, an indulgence, that I can simply no longer afford in my life. I have enough real stress to stop making it up. I recently read this quote somewhere (sorry I can't remember where), "It is none of your business what other people think of you." My immediate and visceral reaction was, "Like hell it isn't!" But as I had time to contemplate the author's meaning behind the statement, I  grew to agree. People either like you or they don't - and it is completely up to them. Being inauthentic for the affections of those who you don't even like is completely ridiculous.

As a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser this has been a huge revelation. Reading minds in the hopes that everyone on earth will like me is something I am hardly aware of, so it will be hard work to stop. I have not taken this decision lightly. In fact, just last night I had a nightmare about it. I was out in the world with very hairy (I'm talking MAN hairy) legs - my legs were completely, 100% EXPOSED to all who passed by and I was mortified. I searched for something to cover them, but my efforts were fruitless. What is interesting to me about the dream is that nobody seemed to notice me or my legs. How's that for symbolism?

I believe lent is the perfect time to let go of such complaisant nonsense. As Kesha sings so eloquently in her latest hit, "We are who we are." And isn't it about time for us to expose the most precious and naked parts of our souls to the world. I have never  met one truly authentic person I did not like, or at least admire. So here's to letting it all hang out this lent - a chance to give your true self a test drive. Who knows, maybe you'll like you and leave the voodoo of mind reading in the dust where it belongs.

Hole, Whole, and Holy

While reading the other day I stumbled upon an interesting peculiarity in the English language. Have you ever noticed that if you add a "w" to the word hole, you change the meaning to the exact opposite? And more interesting still, that if you replace the "e" with a "y" you again get a word with a profoundly different and opposite meaning? This prompted me to trace the origins of the words and I found that the roots were Germanic - which, frankly, means absolutely nothing to me. So, perhaps I am placing meaning where there is none, but I think I have found an intriguing connection.

When your spirit is lacking nourishment, it feels as though your soul, your life, has a "hole" that needs to be filled with something, anything to vanquish the emptiness inside. Now, we have all journeyed into the depths of depression at one time or another. We have all felt that desperate longing to fill the void with material objects, or people. Thinking if only we could have this or if only that person would love me - then, and only then could we be whole. I have been down that road many times and every time I have gone there, my "hole" only seemed to grow deeper.

However, over time I have learned I am at my most complete state when I am giving. My happiest and most joyful moments are born of service. When I can connect with another human being - even if it is only an uplifting smile - my heart is most fulfilled. I get "high" on even the idea of making a difference in someone's life. Essentially, when I saturate myself with the energy of granting wishes, my own desperation to have more is absorbed by the light I can create in another.

This "aha" made me wonder, what if I combated the inevitable down turns in my life by throwing myself into a state of giving to others in need? What if I became "whole" by filling the "hole" in another's spirit? I know this is just the opposite of what most people suggest when you are feeling drained, but stick with me here. I am not suggesting you give away energy you do not have when you are at your lowest point, but rather that you give away the energy you do have when you are at your lowest point. Instead of protecting your low reserves - invest that energy into a project you love, and then watch your energy grow and morph into the completeness you were longing for. Give away the God-given gifts and talents that were bestowed upon you with abandon and I suspect that any "holes" you may have in your life would simply disappear in the afterglow of serving humanity. Now, we all have very unique and important gifts to offer - artists bring beauty into the world, teachers enlighten our minds, and builders provide homes. What are my special gifts, and how can I give them to the world are the first questions you can ask yourself when you are down. Try it, and see what happens - amazing opportunities are created from the energy of giving.

When we live our lives as an empty "hole" to be filled by other people and material possessions, we find ourselves on the path to misery. I have come to learn the only way to be truly "whole" is through sharing our gifts with those who need them. That by serving the good stuff of life to others, we fill any "holes" that linger in our own souls. And further, when we become "whole" by pouring love into the lives of others we are following a truly "holy" path. When your life is running on empty - try filling up by giving away yellow M&M's to all you encounter - and just maybe you'll find what you were looking for all along.

Life is Good, Even When it's Bad.

Life is good. I find myself repeating this over and over again lately. When I am tired – life is good. When I am bored – life is good. When I am frustrated – life is good. And, especially, when I am happy – Life. Is. Good. This constant reminder to myself is a direct result of the book I am reading by Chris and Janet Attwood called The Passion Test, in which I read this line, “There can be no thought of being a victim, for they know that all of God’s acts are blessings.” House burns down? Blessing. Cancer? Blessing. Baby born? Blessing. Breathing? Blessing. Ant in your kitchen? Blessing. You get the idea. Can you imagine a life lived this way? Can you imagine your life lived this way? I can imagine it, but I have to say I am far from knowing that ALL of God’s acts are blessings. Hence, the repetitious reminder. What would my life look like if it were lived with this simple and profound belief? Very different from the one I live now – I would certainly not have to constantly remind myself about the goodness of life, because when all things are blessings, trust becomes automatic. Gratitude is your life.

Like most of you, I am really good at being grateful for the happy things. But, the challenges? Not so much. Because it is difficult to conjure my faith in these moments, I fail to remember that life’s hardships are the best opportunity to discover my strengths. The ability to first trust there will be a lesson and then to be grateful for what I am about to learn, somehow eludes me. Instead, my habit is to react with the emotions of sadness, anger, frustration, or jealousy when difficult times present themselves. It is so easy to just sink into these feelings when life gets hard, isn’t it? Yet, when we indulge ourselves with such sentiments they can easily become addicting, and ironically comforting after a while. So much so, that to be conscious in the midst of adversity is a lot more difficult than allowing our emotions to take over. It takes effort, commitment, and perseverance to see the lesson through a veil of discontent. And so, it is going to take some time and some good old fashioned conditioning to see ALL of life, even the downs, as a blessing. But, I am committed to this concept, because once I replace the old habit with a new one of faith and trust, I will be able to flow easily with the intentions of God – and let’s face it – God’s plan is always going to be better than mine.

What if everyone looked at all of life as a blessing? I think it would be really difficult to be depressed. It would take an effort to stay angry and unforgiving. It would be a challenge to be impatient when things aren’t going the way you’ve planned. The inconveniences of life could be opportunities to grow into the person you are meant to be. The world would be a very different place if all of God’s acts were seen as blessings. So, I am challenging myself and each of you to stop fighting the things you cannot change. To stop reacting to life’s inevitable suffering with the easy emotions of victimization. To accept what happens with your eyes wide open to the blessing waiting just beyond your attachment to the way you think things should be. To be at peace with the fact that you are alive right now experiencing this moment. To remember that life really is good, and all we can do is try our best– we’ve got nothing to lose but despair. I intend to change my belief and my behavior so I can keep moving in the direction of love, trust, and yellow M&M’s. And, I am hoping you will join me for the ride.

This One is for My Ladies

There is a bond between women that men will never understand, but will always want to. The sisterhood that comes from simply being female is a complex beast of a relationship that we don't really fully understand ourselves. And I suppose the fact that we don't really need to, ties that bond even tighter. It is mysterious and beautiful, this thing that happens between girlfriends. I am blessed with so many strong, powerful women in my life that I don't dare question it. Rather, I am simply grateful for them and the gifts each generation adds to my life.

To the women in generations before me whose knowing and generous hearts give me encouragement and strength. Whose wisdom helps me see what lies ahead. Whose lessons of life come in simple demonstrations of experience that can simultaneously sadden and awe. For whom the everyday toils of womanhood show up in the laugh and frown lines surrounding your eyes. For those of you who offer guidance in the journey I must define myself. I thank you for your leadership.

To my sisters who have grown with me through the decades, who know me and help me find the way. You pick me up when I fall and show me the truth when I need it most. You know my troubles and I yours. We laugh at the same jokes and cry at the same movies. We have been through birth and death, marriage and divorce, prosperity and poverty, graduations and career changes, moves across the country to living under the same roof together. Yet, we are all still standing, still growing, still working to make a difference in this world, and still holding hands through it all. I thank you for your companionship.

To the little sisters out there - the daughters, the nieces, the little ones still too young to stand on your own feet. The hope in your heart fuels me, keeps me striving, keeps me real. I know that someday I must pass the torch of womanhood on to you. It is to you whom I must gladly answer to when my journey is complete - and I strive to move that torch to new and daring places for you. I thank you for the motivation to always do my best.

This Thanksgiving, in addition to my amazing family, I am thankful to all of my mothers and sisters and daughters for the inspiration and encouragement to keep moving forward and giving me a place where I know I always belong. I may never fully understand the connection and peace that comes from the women in my life - but I will be forever grateful for the shelter of sisterhood they provide.